Strong
by fixusi
Summary: After getting home from the hospital because of the suicide attempt, Doug tries to help his brother. Turns out the task is harder than it should be. Brotherly oneshot. Warning for suicidal thoughts and mentions about drugs and hints at sex. No incest, though! Just flashbacks of T.J. and Sean.


An: So I watched this miniseries yesterday because I was sick at home, and because I knew Sebastian Stan was in it. So, even though I am new to this show, I enjoyed it very much and I actually looked forward to write something about it - the fandom isn't big, but who cares?

Disclaimer: I don't own Political Animals

After getting home from the hospital because of the suicide attempt, Doug tries to help his brother. Turns out the task is harder than it should be. Brotherly oneshot. Warning for suicidal thoughts and mentions about drugs and hints at sex. No incest, though! Just flashbacks of T.J. and Sean.

* * *

_My head, is holding on to all those things you said  
You taught me to be strong and get through it, the mist of darkness_

He pushed the door open and exited the hospital, his legs still weak from the ride. He was feeling okay, but at the same time he felt even worse than few days earlier, like he was only an empty shell and beneath his skin was nothing. But physically he was feeling okay. He wasn't feeling sick anymore and his headache was almost gone.

The drive back home was everything but silent. T.J.'s mom was babbling about how wonderful it was to have T.J. move back home for a few weeks. T.J. knew it was only about protecting him. Protecting him from drugs, protecting him from himself, protecting him from alcohol and from men.

"I prepared a room for you earlier today", Elaine said, glancing at her older son from the front seat. "It'll be lovely to have you there with us."

* * *

_"It'll be lovely having you here for a while", Sean said and gently placed a kiss on T.J.'s forehead. "I have already plans for us."_

_"You do?" T.J. asked, smiling at the man before him. This hotel room was actually nicer than the previous, and T.J. hadn't thought it could get better than that. Obviously I could though. He just wondered how soft the bed was. _

_Sean smiled a little, nodding, and backed away. "Mmhm. I rented us a movie. Aaand we have some popcorn, as well as coca-cola. Also, if you want to, we could.." _

_It didn't take long for T.J. to get comfortable with the idea. Biting his lower lip he stood up and walked to Sean. "I'd like that", he said, placing his other hand on Sean's neck and other on his chest, leaning in to kiss him again._

_"Ooh, easy there, tiger. Save something for the night too", Sean laughed against T.J.'s lips and pushed him gently away. T.J.'s eyes lingered over the other man for a while before he finally nodded with a sheepish grin. _

_"What movie did you get us?" T.J. asked and moved over to the other side of the room where the bag from grocery market stood. He opened it and pulled out a DVD, which turned out to be Friday the 13th. _

_T.J. looked at the DVD and let out a small laugh. "Really?" _

_Sean shrugged. "Some lady at the rental market said it's good. And besides, if you get scared, you're welcomed to hug me during the movie." _

_"Hah! In your dreams, Sean. I do not get scared easily." _

_"We'll see about that." _

* * *

Doug and T.J. exchanged a quick look. T.J. couldn't help but notice the dark circles around his brother's apologizing eyes - hadn't he slept?

"Thanks, mom", T.J. replied silently. He wanted to get wasted, and that was the reason he was forced to stay with his family. It didn't matter that Doug was there -T.J. had lost count of how many times he had gone to his brother's apartment in the middle of the night, high or drunk or possibly both, just because he couldn't go home for some reason- but his nana and his mother? He'd rather skip the whole thing.

But well, it didn't matter anyways. He looked forward to going to sleep. It didn't matter where he slept. And besides, the bed in the guest room -that had become kinda his during these last few months- was a lot comfier than the bed in his home, even though his bed wasn't bad either.

When they finally got home, he and Doug got off the car, and their mother countinued the travel to T.J.'s own house to pick up some clothes and other necessary stuff. Both brothers were glad to have a moment of freedom of any adults – their nana was somewhere, probably in the nearest market.

"Listen, T.J. I'm sorry", Douglas said as soon as the door behind them closed. They turned to see each other, Doug's eyes carefully examining his brother's. He looked so empty, so vulnerable.

A faked smile rose on T.J.'s lips. "For what?" It was an attempt to make things easier between them, obviously. T.J. didn't look forward to the discussion between him and his nana, and even less he waited for the talk between him and their dad. He wished Douglas would just let it go.

"For not being there for you. I don't know what is must have been like, to be rejected like that, but I think it must have been horrible. I really am sorry, and I-"  
"It's okay", T.J. interrupted with a sigh. He didn't need this right now.

Doug shifted on his feet and shook his head a little. "It isn't, T.J."

It sure as hell wasn't, and T.J. acknowledged it. But he didn't find the strength to care.

T.J. shrugged and left the hallway. He walked over to the living room and fell on the couch, sinking into the soft material. He let his head rest against the sofa and closed his eyes for just a moment, hearing Douglas enter the room.

The couch next to him sunk a little as Doug sat next to him. "Come on. Let me help you out. That's what brothers are for, right?"

With a deep sigh, T.J. lifted his head up and looked at his brother. "I know, Doug. And you are my twin brother. But I am okay."

"As if you were. You tried to fucking kill yourself. What would I do if you were gone, just like that?" Doug asked with a serious face. He honestly couldn't think of what his life would be like without that annoying brother of his.

T.J. stared at him for a second, not sure what to say. It sucked. Everything sucked and he just wanted to feel something, even if it was the nausea of dying. Drugs were one way to feel something and now that had been taken away from him.

And because T.J. couldn't answer, Doug decided to continue. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, because you aren't the one that caused this mess to happen. But you have to pick yourself up, T.J. Not for me, not for mum, but for yourself. I know how much you loved him-"

"You don't know shit."

Doug nodded. "Maybe I don't. I mean, I have my Annie, but.. you're not me. Even so, I hate to see you suffer like this."

Silence fell on them. Douglas didn't know what to say anymore, and T.J. had nothing to say. He knew that if he could trust one person on this earth, it would be Douglas, but that didn't mean he liked to express his feelings to him. And well, least on this kind of thing.

After a moment T.J. got slowly up and glanced at his brother, who stayed where he was. "I'm going to sleep for a bit."

"Yeah."

"Well, see you when I wake up."

"Sure. Love you, T.J."

"You too."

* * *

_T.J. opened the hotel room door and stepped inside to the familiar smell. Sean wasn't there yet, but he would be soon. It left T.J. just enough time to put everything ready for their last night together in weeks. _

_He had a bag full of stuff with him. He had bought them just twenty minutes earlier from various shops - it hadn't cost him a lot money though. People knew he was the son of the president (ex-president) and it often got him some discount. Especially if the cashier was a young woman or a gay man. _

_After fifteen minutes his phone started to ring. The familiar noise echoed through the room and T.J. hurried to answer it. "Hi, Doug. - __What do you mean, you need me there? Now?! Listen, Doug, I'm kinda bus.. - __Yeah, yeah. Can't mom do it? - __Of course not. How long will it take? - F__ine. I'm on my way." _

_Another forty-five minutes flew by with his brother. Sean tried to call T.J. many times, but he wasn't able to answer his phone, so when T.J. got back in his car, he immediately called Sean. _

_"Hi! I'm sorry I'm late, Sean, but my brother needed me." _

_A little laughter echoed from the other end of the line. "It's okay. I haven't even been here for long anyways, fifteen minutes or so." _

_T.J. sighed in relief. "Good. I'm on my way there now. I'll see you in ten minutes." _

_"Alright. Love you." _

* * *

In his room, T.J. got on to his bed and buried his head to the pillows. He felt drained dry and exhausted, but now when he could sleep again, his body refused to do so. No matter how still and comfortably he laid there, he couldn't fall asleep.

After a while he heard the front door opening and shutting. Distant voices of Douglas and their nana echoed out, and T.J. could faintly hear steps approaching. The door to his room opened slowly, and T.J. glanced up just enough to see Douglas' head poking in.

"Are you sleeping?" Doug asked, stepping inside.

"Yeah, I'm fast asleep, don't you see?" T.J. answered sarcastically and grinned. It felt good.

"Well, smartass, nana sent me to tell you that she bought some stuff to the fridge that you like, and that she'll order pizza today."

T.J. eyed his brother and nodded. "Sounds great. I'll be up in fifteen minutes."

Douglas nodded slightly but didn't leave the room. For a moment he stood there before finally moving over to T.J.'s bed and sitting on the edge of it.

"Talk to me," Doug said with a sigh and shifted on the bed, so his back was against the wall. T.J. had his back to him, but Doug could tell what T.J. was thinking without even seeing his face. His shoulders were tense and he was laying still.

A frown escaped T.J.'s lips and he turned around. "Fine. What will we talk about?"

"You."

"Well, I'm fine. A little hungry."

"Look", Doug replied with a frown on his face. "I can't help you if you don't talk about it."

T.J. was up from the bed in an instant and backed away a little, his whole body storming in such anger it made even Douglas a little scared. "And when exactly did I say I would need your help, Doug?"

Normally T.J. would have regretted saying those words.

When Doug failed to find the right words to this emotional mess of a brother, T.J. continued. "I don't need anybody's help! I admit that I'm a mess, that I am not good for anything, that I am... The person I loved most in this whole fucking universe left me, the person that made me actually feel something isn't a part of my life anymore! How would you fucking feel? But I definitely don't need anyone's help, Doug!"

"You're not a 'good for nothing'! You're good at many things, you know? Playing the piano, for an example. T.J., It's okay", Doug hurried to say, also standing up. He reached to his brother with his hands, softly laying them on T.J.'s shoulders.

T.J. shrugged the hands off his shoulders. "No, it's not fucking okay! It will never be as okay as it was! "

"Come on, nana will hear you screaming and she'll run here and there goes our privacy."

"As if nana would run at that age", T.J. commented, and actually grinned. This time for real, and not faking it for someone. Doug couldn't help but agree on that one.

Doug smiled at his twin and opened his arms. "You know you can trust me, T.J."

For a moment T.J. hesitated, before nodding and accepting the invitation for a hug. T.J. wrapped his arms around his brother and Douglas did the same – and for a moment they just stood there and comforted each other.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you", T.J. said. "It's been hell of a weekend."

"Don't worry about it, I think I deserved it", Douglas laughed, to which T.J. grinned too. "Btw, Have I ever mentioned that I hate you, T.J.?"

"Ooooh, so very often. Hate you too, Doug", T.J. replied with a smile.

* * *

_"I'm deeply sorry I need to go again, T.J., but my family needs me. It's urgent. My son has fallen ill and is in the hospital." _

_T.J. held back the tears that forced their way into his eyes. "It's okay. I guess I won't see you today then, huh?" _

_"I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise, Thomas. It's just.. my son. I cannot leave him alone", Sean said with a silent, sad voice. T.J. wondered if he was sad because of his son or for T.J., or maybe both? _

_"I trust you, Sean. It's okay, your son needs you more than I right now", T.J. said an laughed a little, even though his voice gave away his real feelings. "I hope he'll be well soon." _

_This was Sean's time to laugh. "So we'd see each other sooner?"_

_T.J. shrugged to himself over the phone. "That too. But I also want your boy to be okay, naturally. He's your son." _

_"Yeah.. anyways, I have to go now. Plane's about to take off. I will call you when I can." _

_"Have a safe flight, Sean. I love you." _

_"Love you too, T.J." _


End file.
